To the boy who deceived me…

I look at the guy I once loved
And I wonder, how could you be such a monster?
A monster disguised with a beautiful face
A sweet smile
Eyes that looked deep into your soul
As if they cared
But it seems they never did
How could someone like you be capable of such horrible things?
How could someone like me be swept away by someone like you?
You were cruel but you were sneaky.
They tried to tell me,
But I wouldn’t listen.
I was blind.
And so were you by your overconfidence.
No one is worthy of you, right?
You made me feel like I wasn’t.
And you knew how I felt.
I think you tried to care,
But you didn’t.
Maybe making me feel that way,
Deep down,
Made you feel better about yourself.
Maybe if I try to be like you,
If I stop trusting others,
If I push people away,
If I control others with threats, harsh words, manipulation
If I suppress my true feelings
Maybe people like you won’t be able to hurt me anymore.
But if I became you, I would end up hating myself.
I’d be just as unhappy as you.
You broke a part of me,
But I must rebuild myself,
Without becoming you.
I’ll never understand why you did so many things to hurt me.
Why you mistreated our friends whom you also claimed to care for.
Why?
Maybe you’ll see this one day and you’ll feel the pain I feel as I write this.
But if you did read this,
I know you’ll probably just laugh at my misery.
The same way you did before.
I guess that’s just what people like you do.
And you’ll get defensive
Because I blamed you.
You once said to me
“You’ll never meet a guy like me”
Now I hope I never do.